Posted - 03/03/2011 : 1:40:42 PM
| Interview with a Sacramento Serial Dater: Mr. Amante
By Paul Dale Roberts, President
Jazma Online! www.jazmaonline.com
Back Cover of HPI Chronicles: Paul Dale Roberts and Shannon McCabe.
Location of Meeting: Stoney Inn / Rockin Rodeo
1320 Del Paso Boulevard
Sacramento, CA 95815
Date: March 4, 2011, Friday
Time: 1600 Hours
While partying at Stoneys, I got into a conversation with a man, that I would consider as a serial dater. I took time away from my friends Jennifer and Steve Roland, Rhonda & Ben Hall. I have permission to publish his interview, but I am not able to publish his real name. I will call him Mr. Amante. In Spanish, amante means 'lover'.
SPRING is in there air! Time for love, time for dating! Fun times! No? Well, according to Mr. Amante, dating is not all that fun, let's see why.
Question: Mr. Amante: So, why don't you want to be known?
Answer: Because it's no one's business that I serial date...it's just that I haven't met the one I want to settle down with.
Question: Can you tell us about 3 of your worst dates?
Answer: Sure. I remember I was contacted by this Hawaiian woman. She had the sweetest accent. I fell in love with her accent over the phone. I couldn't wait to meet her. Finally, I set a date, we were to meet at Border's Books, I told her I would be at the magazine rack. Then I heard my name, in her soft voiced accent. I turned around and I quickly told her..."can we talk in the sci fi section?" The sci fi section is very secluded. When we got there, she tried to give me a hug and I backed off, I wouldn't let her touch me. She looked just like her picture, except that she had open sores on her mouth, face, neck, arms, legs, feet and toes. It was disgusting. Thinking about it later, I believe she was probably a 'crack' user. When people use crack, they get open sores, so I have heard. Continuing with the story....I told her..."I think I left my wallet in the car!" I got in my car and drove off and said 'F this!' I got home and I was walking my dogs, when she called. She asked 'where I was?" I told her 'I am walking my dogs'. She then said...."what? I am here at Border's waiting for you! I am so mad at you, please do not ever call me again!!" I said "I won't." She then hung up.
Question: How do you meet these women?
Answer: On date sites. Here is my 2nd bad date. I was waiting at Starbucks and a van pulls up, it was my date, she looked like her picture. That's a plus! She had a beautiful smile. As she got out of her van, I was not prepared for what I was about to see next. She was missing her arm! She didn't tell me that she was missing an arm! I decided to have coffee with her. We talked and she then she pulled up one sweat pants legging and showed me a beautiful shapely leg. She said: "do I have nice legs?" I said 'yes!" She then said: "You will not probably like this leg." She then pulls up another sweat pants legging and her leg was horribly mangled. She told me that she was on a motorcycle with her husband in Yuba City, a truck hit the bike that they were on. Her husband died instantly and she was thrown off the bike, traveling 40 feet at 50 mph. We didn't have a 2nd date. Can you see why I don't have a girlfriend?
Question: I can see that. What is your final example?
Answer: The old lady from Hell! The best thing to do is meet women at Starbucks, because you as a 'dater' need to know if you are going to get along with them. Women will take you for a ride, for free dinners, etc. If you get along with the girl, then there is nothing wrong on the 2nd date, taking them out to dinner, but never the first date. Most women don't look like their photos. They will place photos of themselves, that are over 20 years old. Let me tell you about the old lady from Hell. Here I am sitting at It's a Grind and I see this 5 foot tall old lady walking through the door. She is hunched back, walking with a cane. She is staring me down. I say to myself.."WTF? Why is she staring me down?" I ignore the stare and start reading my newspaper, I look up again and now she is 15 feet closer to me and still staring. She is giving me the creeps, it reminded me of a Bela Lugosi Dracula movie, where Dracula gets closer and closer to you, every time you look down and then look up, he is getting closer, until finally Dracula is in your face! I look back up and BAM! She is in my face! She is my freakin' date!! There is no way, this can be my date, this woman is in her late 60s and the girl I see on the date site must be in her early 40s....NO WAY! But...WAY..this is my date, who has totally misrepresented herself. I order the smallest coffee size there is, I chug it down and make every excuse in the book to get the Hell out of there. This Internet dating is crap sometimes. Sometimes they are either just plain ugly or they are super old, or they have absolutely nothing to say about their lives.
I've had some dates, where the woman has absolutely nothing to say about herself, she has lived a dull existence all of her life. This one woman, all she ever did for fun was sew. Another woman I dated told me so many medical problems that she had, I was completely ready to spew my guts out. She got into extreme details about medicals surgeries she had, etc. By the time I was finished with my coffee, I was completely turned off by her disgusting conversation on how they took out her eye, cut open her liver and stuck a tube in her butt to make her crap!! Yeah, Internet dating is not all it's cut out to be.
Some of the girls are just plain scary. With tattoos on their neck, guns in their purses and they sit there and tell me what street gang they belong to. Yeah...my kind of girl.
My advice in regard to Internet dating.
1. If you can check them out on a live feed - webcam, so you can see what they truly look like. While checking out your date on webcam, it gives you the opportunity to play 'detective' and look at their surroundings while they are on webcam. By looking at their surroundings, I have determined that some of my prospective dates have been:
Hoarders -I was able to see garbage in their bedrooms;
Drug users - I could see a cocaine line on the dresser and a rolled up dollar bill;
Smokers - I could see an ashtray with cigarette butts inside the ashtray;
Odd personality traits - yelling at the kids, extreme picking of the nose or scratching of the anus.
If you can convince your potential date to turn on her webcam, this is a very helpful tool for Internet dating.
2. Movie dates are not good first dates, because you may have to hang out with someone that you are completely incompatible with for 2 hours!
3. Dinner dates are not good first dates, because these women daters are looking for a free meal, they will drag you to the most expensive restaurant in town, they will order the most expensive dinner, they are more concerned about their stomachs, than they are about their date. They do not want a relationship, they just want to eat and eat and eat!
4. Always, always meet an Internet date for the first time at a coffee shop or Jamba Juice. That way if you do not like your date, you can make a quick exit.
5. Always look for prison tattoos. Their face may look innocent, but they may be harboring a dark secret. Prison tattoos are a good indication of that.
6. Never go to a bar on a first date. Your new Internet date is probably an alcoholic and she will drink and drink and drink and then pass out in your car. This drunk date will at some point of time on her ride home, throw up in your car. Not only will you have an expensive bar tab, but you will have to clean up the inside of your vehicle of foul smelling regurgitated spaghetti.
Oh man...I might as well tell you about one more bad date that I had. Now you see why I am a serial dater. I meet this girl and we really hit it off over coffee, then we have lunch together. Before I know, we are hugging, kissing and getting all hot over each other. She invites me to her home. As we enter her home, she farts and holds her butt and says 'excuse me'. I try to ignore her flatulence, but then she does it again. She again holds her butt and tries to look like an angel and shyly looks at me and says 'excuse me'. She does this about 4 more times and now I am totally disgusted and I head out her front door, to my car and drive off. All the while she is standing by my car asking 'why I am leaving'. I am leaving, because you need to wash your -----!!!
Okay, I am done with this! If I ever find the right girl, I am going to xxxxx my pants!! See ya, I think that they are ready to play Good Time by Alan Jackson. Love that song, I am ready to do some line dancing.
Pictures of the group at Stoneys:
Special Note: Mr. Amante does tell me about a comical mix-up he once had. He walks into Starbucks and hits it off with his date. They hug, they kiss and he buys her coffee. She calls him 'Phil' and he says.."what did you call me?" She says 'Phil'. Then Mr. Amante calls his date 'Teresa' and come to find out, his date is actually waiting for a Phil, not him and he was supposed to be meeting a girl named Teresa. Mr. Amante looks towards the corner of Starbucks and sees his actual date. Mr. Amante's actual date is actually peeved, because she saw Mr. Amante kissing the other girl.
A total mix-up, while Mr. Amante's real date Teresa leaves, Phil shows up and hits it off with the girl he originally thought was Teresa. Such is life.
END OF INTERVIEW WITH MR. AMANTE.
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